Misc Jokes
The jokes that refuse to fit in a box: one-liners, odd observations and everything else.
30 jokes
“What's the difference between a school bus and a cactus?”
A cactus keeps the little pricks on the outside.
“A neutron walks into a bar and asks for a price on a drink.
The barkeeper says: "For you... no charge!"”
“What's the difference between a hot potato and a flying pig?”
One's a heated yam, the other's a yeeted ham.
“My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.”
“My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact…”
“A perfectionist walked into a bar... apparently, the bar was not set high enough.”
“What does the MacBook have in common with Donald Trump?
I would tell you....
But I don't compare apples to oranges.”
“What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?”
An outlaw is wanted.
“I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.”
“My wife left me because I'm too insecure and paranoid.”
Oh wait, never mind. She was just getting the mail.
“My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my younger brother.”
“What's the difference between England and a tea bag?”
The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
“Why was the mushroom always invited to parties?”
Cause he's a fungi.
“I went to the zoo the other day. There was only a dog in it - it was a shihtzu.”
“My neighbor is a 90 year old with Alzheimer's, I see him every morning and he asks me If I've seen his wife.
Every day I have to tell this poor man that his wife died 20 years ago.
I could have moved to another house or even ignore his question.”
But the look of joy in his eyes whenever I answer him is worth the world.
“Mom asked me where I'm taking her to go out to eat for mother's day.”
I told her, "We already have food in the house".
“If you're here for the yodeling lesson, please form an orderly orderly orderly queue.”
“Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.”